New year, new hope, new action

New year, new hope, new action, fiuh, this is really a big deal, for 1st January 2009, I stayed with him, my husband. At the beach, enjoying life, yeah, we just a follower in this situation, follow the other who stayed at the same places, Tanjung Bayang, Makassar, beside Losari Beach, waiting for the new year of 2009. I don’t know, I just can’t be myself for this situation.
Every act take risk, every risk need responsibility, that what I believe and by that I am ready for any risks, even risks that will coming in our marriage.
My wedding is just like a game. I could stay at one room with him and nobody know that we are ‘real couple’. This is Indonesia guys, so, virginity before marriage is important, that’s obligation. Sometimes, I feel worried, but God know, who I am, what I am (cuih, the ‘fullsinwoman’, that’s suit me).
Back to hopes, I have many. I do what I should do, and I hope what I could reach, even it sounds not possible for others, but I know what I could and what I could not do. I have many expectations, for example, do not do the same sin/mistaken that I have ever done, have my own income and pay all my obligation/my debt.
My husband? He is totally not supported me, neither forbid me. He just always take what he want and do what he want. Understanding? He has no that kind of word. There were no such love between us, we both just trapped in this marriage, marriage that caused of words. Our own words.
But, I know him a little bit. Face him just like playing a kite. Pull and make concession, I can handle this. At first, married him being a mistaken, and there were no regrets, are not, and will not. I should be change this mistaken be the right thing.